A couple of days ago I had that intense conversation with one of my male friends. The whole conversation revolved about nothing except the idea of women taking off the veil. My friend has this friend of his who happened to migrate and she took off the veil along with all the Egyptian customs and traditions; he frankly stated that she took it to a whole new level that involved smoking and drinking. The whole time i was trying to defend the girl's side by actually assuming that she might have opted for such a decision as a result of experiencing a trauma in her life and the whole time he insisted that nothing would clarify her doing.
As a matter of fact, i'm writing here to discuss only the veil thing (As its clear from the title); the other things are not my concern for the moment. So, the first question that comes to our minds when we see a newly de-veiled woman is "WHY ON EARTH??" and we sometimes go even further and start judging her without even trying to understand her motifs. I know that some of us (including me) don't ask any questions so as not to embarrass the woman or as not to make her feel bad but, others just don't ask cause not only do they start judging on the spur of the moment but also they start marking and categorizing instantly.
Have we ever asked ourselves why do we make the women feel bad when we talk to them about such a sensitive issue?? Why do they refuse to talk to us when it comes to this? The answer is simple; because instead of really understanding we attack them using hurtful words not to mention the long religious lectures of the heaven and fire they are in no need of hearing.
Have we ever stopped to think seriously about the reasons behind women taking such a step ??? Have we ever tried understanding?? I know that a man cannot understand such an issue but what i don't understand is a woman who doesn't though she might have been in her place; please don't jump and say "i would never be in her place" cause simply you can never know and you are not sure of that !!
I have been veiled for almost two years now and i can say it was one of the hardest decisions i've taken in my life and probably it will turn out to be the hardest ever. Also i can claim that i do understand why would someone think of taking it off, not that i am in favour of it but as a human being in general and a woman in specific i do realize that cracking down is much more simple than we think.
So, what do i understand that others don't ??? First of all, i do realize that God has created us weak by nature; weak when it comes to enjoying the pleasures of life which most of have been tabooed by Him to put us under the test. I do know that one of the pleasures of life is actually showing off your beauty and nothing can top topping that with a perfect hairdo (That goes for the females only of course, guys have other issues to fight against). Why do you think it took me 26 whole years to take such a step ??? Definitely cause i was in love with my looks and with the way guys used to look at me as a pretty, sexy woman. And i have to be frank, two years have past and i still have my ups and downs. At first i thought i was much prettier and even more elegant with the veil but that didn't last for long. I keep facing times when i see myself as ugly and not as good looking as i used to be; i have my moments of weaknesses and each and every time the only thing that stands between me and this is "PEER INFLUENCE"
Peer influence is one of the major reasons why would a woman go on or just give up and take off the sacred piece of cloth. As the saying goes "Birds with the same feather flock together". So, when a woman surprises you with a new look most probably it will turn out that her friends are not veiled. Another reason behind such a drive is sometimes the fact that when she took the decision in the first place she was under an exterior influence; she was either not that convinced or just did it because all women around her did (The Amr Khaled Phenomenal).
A popular reason is actually getting bored, just as i mentioned above she starts feeling she looks ugly, doesn't feel attractive anymore and no matter how many new looks she tries and how many new scarves she buys (that's the trick known amongst us when we feel this way) nothing tends to change. The awful truth is that if this phase stays for long it starts affecting other regular religious rituals like praying for instance; A woman who experiences a long phase of boredom may reach a point where she starts seizing praying ; she feels she's forced to keep wearing the veil in fear of the people's reactions yet she doesn't want to and that results in less rituals. When such a chaotic phase is reached the woman is lost and has one of two choices: either she takes it off so that she gets rid of the boredom and gets back on track or remains as she is in complete loss. Mostly she favours the first choice which i see as wise by the way.
The final reason which was my assumption in the case of my friend's friend is the life trauma. As emotional creatures by nature some of us women can't take much stress and can't deal with more than one trauma at once; being it a broken heart, the loss of a dear family member, an illness she suffers or some other reason. In such case the woman starts being angry at life, she starts thinking that all this happened to her though she is a good person who obeys her God; she starts going into the phase of denial. The phase in which she starts thinking "If i am gonna be punished anyways then i'd better enjoy the pleasures of life". I know that shows so much weakness and how much her faith was fragile from the beginning but i'm not here to judge i'm just here to analyze.
As a bottom line, the next time you encounter a de-veiled woman DO NOT JUDGE. If she is close enough try talking to her, if she's not then stop looking at her as if she is some kind of bitch (Actually, yeah they can tell what you think from the look in your eyes). If you are a woman better take care cause you might be in her place any time.
enough said till next time
As a matter of fact, i'm writing here to discuss only the veil thing (As its clear from the title); the other things are not my concern for the moment. So, the first question that comes to our minds when we see a newly de-veiled woman is "WHY ON EARTH??" and we sometimes go even further and start judging her without even trying to understand her motifs. I know that some of us (including me) don't ask any questions so as not to embarrass the woman or as not to make her feel bad but, others just don't ask cause not only do they start judging on the spur of the moment but also they start marking and categorizing instantly.
Have we ever asked ourselves why do we make the women feel bad when we talk to them about such a sensitive issue?? Why do they refuse to talk to us when it comes to this? The answer is simple; because instead of really understanding we attack them using hurtful words not to mention the long religious lectures of the heaven and fire they are in no need of hearing.
Have we ever stopped to think seriously about the reasons behind women taking such a step ??? Have we ever tried understanding?? I know that a man cannot understand such an issue but what i don't understand is a woman who doesn't though she might have been in her place; please don't jump and say "i would never be in her place" cause simply you can never know and you are not sure of that !!
I have been veiled for almost two years now and i can say it was one of the hardest decisions i've taken in my life and probably it will turn out to be the hardest ever. Also i can claim that i do understand why would someone think of taking it off, not that i am in favour of it but as a human being in general and a woman in specific i do realize that cracking down is much more simple than we think.
So, what do i understand that others don't ??? First of all, i do realize that God has created us weak by nature; weak when it comes to enjoying the pleasures of life which most of have been tabooed by Him to put us under the test. I do know that one of the pleasures of life is actually showing off your beauty and nothing can top topping that with a perfect hairdo (That goes for the females only of course, guys have other issues to fight against). Why do you think it took me 26 whole years to take such a step ??? Definitely cause i was in love with my looks and with the way guys used to look at me as a pretty, sexy woman. And i have to be frank, two years have past and i still have my ups and downs. At first i thought i was much prettier and even more elegant with the veil but that didn't last for long. I keep facing times when i see myself as ugly and not as good looking as i used to be; i have my moments of weaknesses and each and every time the only thing that stands between me and this is "PEER INFLUENCE"
Peer influence is one of the major reasons why would a woman go on or just give up and take off the sacred piece of cloth. As the saying goes "Birds with the same feather flock together". So, when a woman surprises you with a new look most probably it will turn out that her friends are not veiled. Another reason behind such a drive is sometimes the fact that when she took the decision in the first place she was under an exterior influence; she was either not that convinced or just did it because all women around her did (The Amr Khaled Phenomenal).
A popular reason is actually getting bored, just as i mentioned above she starts feeling she looks ugly, doesn't feel attractive anymore and no matter how many new looks she tries and how many new scarves she buys (that's the trick known amongst us when we feel this way) nothing tends to change. The awful truth is that if this phase stays for long it starts affecting other regular religious rituals like praying for instance; A woman who experiences a long phase of boredom may reach a point where she starts seizing praying ; she feels she's forced to keep wearing the veil in fear of the people's reactions yet she doesn't want to and that results in less rituals. When such a chaotic phase is reached the woman is lost and has one of two choices: either she takes it off so that she gets rid of the boredom and gets back on track or remains as she is in complete loss. Mostly she favours the first choice which i see as wise by the way.
The final reason which was my assumption in the case of my friend's friend is the life trauma. As emotional creatures by nature some of us women can't take much stress and can't deal with more than one trauma at once; being it a broken heart, the loss of a dear family member, an illness she suffers or some other reason. In such case the woman starts being angry at life, she starts thinking that all this happened to her though she is a good person who obeys her God; she starts going into the phase of denial. The phase in which she starts thinking "If i am gonna be punished anyways then i'd better enjoy the pleasures of life". I know that shows so much weakness and how much her faith was fragile from the beginning but i'm not here to judge i'm just here to analyze.
As a bottom line, the next time you encounter a de-veiled woman DO NOT JUDGE. If she is close enough try talking to her, if she's not then stop looking at her as if she is some kind of bitch (Actually, yeah they can tell what you think from the look in your eyes). If you are a woman better take care cause you might be in her place any time.
enough said till next time
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