Well, here i am again inspired to write by the story of a friend (seems that's the trend these days); Anyways; what i am going to talk about is a crucial subject. A subject that we may encounter a lot nowadays but yet no one likes to discuss it or even mention it. DIVORCE !!!! A simple word that can ruin the lives of many and cause massive devastation and destruction.
I am writing not to discuss the reasons behind any divorce cause that needs more than just one post, today i am writing about the right of the divorcee to live his/her life. Many divorcees are struggling enough trying to get back to their normal lives not to mention the consequences they have to deal with and the long healing process they have to go through; yet people add to that with the severe sentence that the divorcee has no right to re-marry and even if they do they are not allowed to marry the one they choose. This whole issue of course applies to women more than it applies to men.
Yes, we do that to them. We sentence them to death, we judge them specially if it was a woman. We start looking at them differently. In our society it is better to stay in the marriage no matter what you have to pay for that than to get the title divorcee. Its some kind of scar that you just can't get rid of. Its a TABOO. Not only the act itself is a taboo but also getting connected to a divorcee is a big fat taboo.
This friend of mine is in love with a beautiful young lady, someone who according to his words is so sweet, cute, kind and funny. The perfect match for him as he sees her but, (Unfortunately there is always a but) the girl has just one flaw. She is a divorcee who was forced to marry at a very young age thus, she was doomed to carry such a title soon enough. The problem is not with my friend as he is deeply in love with her and he couldn't care less about her past. The problem is his parents, the parents who resemble most of our old fashioned parents. The typical Egyptian mother who wants her son to marry a woman who is younger than him, pretty, submissive and most of all she HAS to be a virgin, and in most cases the father agrees with these statements.
So, whenever my friend tries to open the subject of getting married to his girl he is faced with a storm of objections, swearing and cursing. Its not that he confessed sleeping with someone who is pregnant now and he has to marry her (God forbids) or anything. He just wants to marry the woman of his dreams who also happens to have had a failed relationship before him. What's wrong with that??
Unfortunately, the parents don't think the way we do; actually some of us think like my friend's parents. We were raised in a society that totally disguise, looks down and judges the female divorcee. Once the divorce occurs its always the woman's fault; stereotyping at its best. As a result , a divorcee has no right to go husband hunting and if she's ever lucky enough to play the game again she's going to play by the rules of her family and the rule of the man who is gentle enough to actually agree to marry her (Complete nonsense)
The thing is that the divorcee family also plays a big role in degrading her. Most of the families of a divorcee woman start treating her as if she is 15 again. She's not allowed to go out, or to mingle with people and definitely getting to know a new man is a big NO NO !! They always deal with her as a source of shame to the family and her actions must be monitored so closely (doesn't matter whose fault the divorce was). If she's ever brave enough to ask for her right to settle down again they either totally refuse or in case they approve they'll be the ones who choose the man she has to live the rest of her life with (that of course if she was the one who chose in the first time). In both cases they do this out of fear that she'll bring on the shame again.
On the other hand, families whose sons wish to marry a divorcee act furiously jut like my friend's family did. They always act as if they are sure the woman was the one behind the divorce; in such a masculine society as ours it can never be the man's fault. She's the one who couldn't keep the prize. She's just too spoiled to be responsible. She must have done something really huge and bad to make that made him divorce her. These are only simple examples of the thoughts that come across the minds of these families; thus they refuse totally even if this meant dooming the life of their son. They'll even take it to a whole new level and start looking for a virgin woman to marry him on the spot.
What about the men divorcees??? I need not mention that they are more lucky than the women as they will never be blamed by their families and certainly will not be dealt with as a source of shame that has to be monitored. Ofcourse their chance of re-marrying is much better but again some families refuse to let their daughters marry a divorcee; only in fear that he might divorce her (their only concern is that their daughter doesn't bear the title divorcee as well). In case the family approves they just forget (intentionally ofcourse) to mention this ting detail about the groom to their friends and other family members. I happen to know a friend's cousin who is engaged to a divorcee and her family just hide this from everybody.
Bottom line, when will we stop doing that to people who are just like me and you but maybe their only fault was that they chose wrong ??? When will we stop judging ??? When will we stop sentencing them to death??? From this place i demand that all the families whether those of divorcees or those of people who wish to be connected to a divorcee to have some mercy. Divorce is not the end of the world and it definitely is not something that should automatically make us think bad of the person. It is something that could happen to anyone of us at any time and sometimes it's not anyone's fault even; sometimes its just that the two can't get along (bet7sal fe a7san el3a2elat). I end this in hope that by next time i write about this issue i will be writing a completely different post.
enough said till next time
I am writing not to discuss the reasons behind any divorce cause that needs more than just one post, today i am writing about the right of the divorcee to live his/her life. Many divorcees are struggling enough trying to get back to their normal lives not to mention the consequences they have to deal with and the long healing process they have to go through; yet people add to that with the severe sentence that the divorcee has no right to re-marry and even if they do they are not allowed to marry the one they choose. This whole issue of course applies to women more than it applies to men.
Yes, we do that to them. We sentence them to death, we judge them specially if it was a woman. We start looking at them differently. In our society it is better to stay in the marriage no matter what you have to pay for that than to get the title divorcee. Its some kind of scar that you just can't get rid of. Its a TABOO. Not only the act itself is a taboo but also getting connected to a divorcee is a big fat taboo.
This friend of mine is in love with a beautiful young lady, someone who according to his words is so sweet, cute, kind and funny. The perfect match for him as he sees her but, (Unfortunately there is always a but) the girl has just one flaw. She is a divorcee who was forced to marry at a very young age thus, she was doomed to carry such a title soon enough. The problem is not with my friend as he is deeply in love with her and he couldn't care less about her past. The problem is his parents, the parents who resemble most of our old fashioned parents. The typical Egyptian mother who wants her son to marry a woman who is younger than him, pretty, submissive and most of all she HAS to be a virgin, and in most cases the father agrees with these statements.
So, whenever my friend tries to open the subject of getting married to his girl he is faced with a storm of objections, swearing and cursing. Its not that he confessed sleeping with someone who is pregnant now and he has to marry her (God forbids) or anything. He just wants to marry the woman of his dreams who also happens to have had a failed relationship before him. What's wrong with that??
Unfortunately, the parents don't think the way we do; actually some of us think like my friend's parents. We were raised in a society that totally disguise, looks down and judges the female divorcee. Once the divorce occurs its always the woman's fault; stereotyping at its best. As a result , a divorcee has no right to go husband hunting and if she's ever lucky enough to play the game again she's going to play by the rules of her family and the rule of the man who is gentle enough to actually agree to marry her (Complete nonsense)
The thing is that the divorcee family also plays a big role in degrading her. Most of the families of a divorcee woman start treating her as if she is 15 again. She's not allowed to go out, or to mingle with people and definitely getting to know a new man is a big NO NO !! They always deal with her as a source of shame to the family and her actions must be monitored so closely (doesn't matter whose fault the divorce was). If she's ever brave enough to ask for her right to settle down again they either totally refuse or in case they approve they'll be the ones who choose the man she has to live the rest of her life with (that of course if she was the one who chose in the first time). In both cases they do this out of fear that she'll bring on the shame again.
On the other hand, families whose sons wish to marry a divorcee act furiously jut like my friend's family did. They always act as if they are sure the woman was the one behind the divorce; in such a masculine society as ours it can never be the man's fault. She's the one who couldn't keep the prize. She's just too spoiled to be responsible. She must have done something really huge and bad to make that made him divorce her. These are only simple examples of the thoughts that come across the minds of these families; thus they refuse totally even if this meant dooming the life of their son. They'll even take it to a whole new level and start looking for a virgin woman to marry him on the spot.
What about the men divorcees??? I need not mention that they are more lucky than the women as they will never be blamed by their families and certainly will not be dealt with as a source of shame that has to be monitored. Ofcourse their chance of re-marrying is much better but again some families refuse to let their daughters marry a divorcee; only in fear that he might divorce her (their only concern is that their daughter doesn't bear the title divorcee as well). In case the family approves they just forget (intentionally ofcourse) to mention this ting detail about the groom to their friends and other family members. I happen to know a friend's cousin who is engaged to a divorcee and her family just hide this from everybody.
Bottom line, when will we stop doing that to people who are just like me and you but maybe their only fault was that they chose wrong ??? When will we stop judging ??? When will we stop sentencing them to death??? From this place i demand that all the families whether those of divorcees or those of people who wish to be connected to a divorcee to have some mercy. Divorce is not the end of the world and it definitely is not something that should automatically make us think bad of the person. It is something that could happen to anyone of us at any time and sometimes it's not anyone's fault even; sometimes its just that the two can't get along (bet7sal fe a7san el3a2elat). I end this in hope that by next time i write about this issue i will be writing a completely different post.
enough said till next time
